Feeling completely alone is the worst, and I just do. I need to fix the physical insides, not just the mental insides. I’m trying to affirm that I’ve got nothing to worry about and I’m safe and secure, and content. I’m trying to not affirm, or rather, reaffirm, all the bad shit going on, I’m doing it to myself, to an extent. I didn’t want anything on paper, which is also why I haven’t written. It’s like, when I have a good day, the next like 2-3 are worse then the bad day before the good day. I have an appointment on Monday so I’m Really trying to hang in until then. I’m constantly crying and constantly having panic attacks. I’ve been on my already newly prescribed med for coming up on 3 weeks, tomorrow, and so far, nothing. I’m trying to get into this program for depression treatment and I’ve been denied and I have to try and get my psych to prescribe me something else so they’ll hopefully approve it. I’m glad I’m back seeing my psychiatrist and counselor from last year, but even though I JUST got back in, nothing’s working. I mean, obviously I can, cuz I am, but I’m freaking the fuck out. This is the first I’ve written in months. No spiritual stuff, rituals, moon stuff, anything in months.
#Utterly alone movie
Normally I’d put on Buffy, Harry Potter, Wizard of Oz, One Tree Hill, or some other fantasy movie or classic movie but I can’t. I can’t watch a movie or a favorite tv show, except my 2 soap operas I manage to stay caught up on (for right now, seeing as how they only JUST came back as new episodes). But I just can’t fucking take it! I can’t do my energy healing courses. I affirm that these attacks aren’t hindering my progress, so I have to believe that’s a fact. I’m working on other things to help me help myself and I can’t manage it because of these attacks. I can’t manage to ever do anything that brings me any type of joy.
But I almost don’t care about that at this point. And the very small amount of people that I hold dear would not take kindly to it. Like, I’m sitting at work, working, I’ve got my usual youtube channels on in the background for noise….company….and all the sudden BAM! I’, fucking DONE! And it’s debilitating for WAY too long and I can’t fix it and I can’t stop it and I just literally want to sink away into nothing. I can’t take breaking out into these insanely psychotic panic attack every day for seemingly no reason.
#Utterly alone how to
I don’t know how to do this right now, and I don’t know if I even want to. Titled that mostly because I love Beetlejuice.īut also because….I’m not far off from this same sentiment that Lydia had when she wrote her note.
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